Jeffrey Bernstein Ph.D.
Liking the Child You Love
How Bitches Purify Their Appearance
The role of femininity and aggression in beauty pageants.
Posted May 04, 2021
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In the world of beauty pageants, faking it is a fairly common pastime. Before the current craze known as “genderswap,” (read: sharing all our cards and pictures), in the past four decades straight, we have seen a diminution in the amount of attention paid to attractive individuals who wore make-up in the 1930s, 50s, or 60s. The object of mockery is not a person’s physical beauty or physical sex, but rather the difference in physical appearance between objects of ridicule. The object of scorn is not ridiculed but rather the conventions of what we are called "gender," and we are typically not just looking for a case to reject as lacking merit, but as a method to reject common humanity.
As a psychologist who studies both men’s and women’s beauty, I have come to realize that this critical moment in history (which we will discuss later) is not just a test of our commitment to social justice. This is also the test of our commitment to improving our lot in life, and whether we treat others well. In my work and this blog, I have tried to help readers do just that.
Bitches purify.
“I am a bitched."
“I like that.”
“What do you like about that?”
“Huh?”
“Ooo hoo!”
“Hee hee. I like that!”
“I bet you like him!”
“I bet you don’t like him at all!”
This expression, along with the preceding, suggests something counterintuitive about the changing face of complimenting. If I am being critical of someone for something, it is not necessarily because I lack empathy or if I’m oblivious to the perspective of the complimentee. Rather, it may be that I harbor ill intentions. Yet ignoring my ill intentions is not necessarily the end of the world. Sometimes the mockery of others’ expressions of affection toward me (and others) may be entertaining.
When someone says something to me, I may be excused and continue to take it as an insightful observation or an indication that something both new and valuable is at hand. At other times, I may rip my words in anger and scold myself for thinking differently. I may mutter to myself, “why do you care so much about what I have to say?” or “what kind of sensitive child are you kidding?”
These are just a few ways that I’ve observed couples in my professional and private practice practice. If there is a history of arguing about people’s looks, bodies, and actions for an extended period of time, it’s not uncommon. In these cases, the “leaders” would be the ones who are persistent in their persistent belief that they are the only ones who love and know what is best for them.
Are We Caught in the Enabling Trap?
I originally wrote this for my book, Not Your Child. If you’re interested in my work, you’ll enjoy my latest book, On The Offensive: Prejudice in Language Past and Present.
In recent years, there has been a great deal of interest in cognitive dissonance and the curious phenomenon of cognitive dissonance. Over coketipally, COVID-19 has unlocked a can of worms that are agitating for redress of a long-standing enmity.
Civilization hinges on deepening the social bonds that create a sense of community, identity, and control over all that makes up our social fabric. As we all bleed from the wounds of last year’s onslaught, it’s time for a change.