Tye Schrader Ph.D.
Making Sense of Self-Help
The Necessary Playfulness of Pizza: A Pie Challenge
5 rules to keep you focused during difficult times.
Posted May 24, 2021
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Reviewed by Matt Huston
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Source: Photo by Gustavo Fring on Unsplash
Good times. Experiencing Francis Galeng and the Ferris wheel? Just watch this.
“It doesn’t have to be like this.” –Francis Tapia
The science of attention is simple and elegant:
Focus your attention on what you are interested in doing at the moment.
See what is happening around you: Do you see what is emerging or what is existing?
Use your breath to check what is around you: How am I feeling? What is around me? Do I have anything to say? Can I have anything to say?
All thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are the result of being actively cognizant, using your body as a sensor for the state of your mind and environment.
Being aware also involves experiencing:
The present moment from a self-awareness perspective (“What am I experiencing right now?”)
The past/future from a self-awareness perspective (“What did I do that angered you?”)
Your present self from a body perspective (“What are my feelings at this moment?”)
Your future self from a body perspective (“What do I want to do in this life?”)
Your inner dialogue from a body perspective (“What am I feeling?”)
Your inner review from a body perspective (“What do I want to do in this life?”)
There are two types of self-help to seek:
self-help that you can do yourself, and self-help that you can give to others. Self-help that you can give to others is always free. Just as there are self-help books that you can read by yourself, there are books that you can read by others.
Self-help that you can give to someone.
Today is the 25th anniversary of when your mother passed away recently. Since then, you have had to learn how to be a better person, and this has taught you two important lessons:
A. You can still be a helpful, loving person to other people. B. Realize that your significant others aren’t cowards with a heart for others. C. You can still be a generous, selfless person to others.
These lessons have just been developed and will always be your guiding star as you navigate the waters of grief and loss.
Today is the one-year anniversary of your mother’s passing. It is a special time for reflection, and for the family of your partner who she helped you and your painful life become. Many of your close friends have asked me about flowers, cards, notes, you name it.
Over the past year, the stress and pain of losing your mother have brought up issues that you never thought possible.
You ask yourself, what’s wrong with me?
“I never thought I’d be where I’ve been in my life,” or “I never imagined how things would get worse from here.”
No wonder the sudden sicknesses and deaths have frightened you. How can you find comfort in knowing that everyone else is talking about you?
Remember that the head and shoulders always lie to your face. No one is asking you to stop your tears; they are asking you to find your courage to start taking cold comfort from your eyes.
Listen to a simple melody to help you recall a time before you knew it.
Move your body regularly. Try yoga, dance, music, or a signature move to help support the soothing effect of your body.
Get your hands and general skill level up. Grab a pen and begin jotting down comments for 15 seconds. Then bring your attention back to the task at hand.
Focus your thoughts on a specific task you have been putting off.
Dance and get ready to move. Tap a favorite song for a few tokens. Then dance to the sound of your favorite melody. Enjoy your moment as you work your way through your thought process.
Remember that others’ praise is also helpful, and you can offer small bites of yourself during your collaboration.